17 Reasons Not To Visit Valencia Spain.

17 reasons not to visit Valencia Spain

It has lately become a “thing” to find an article extolling the wonders of Valencia as a city to live in on a weekly basis it seems. The spotlight is firmly being shined on this city, and people have been moving here in droves. This is my tongue firmly in cheek response to all the hoopla about this lovely city.

Having come to realize that resistance is futile and any attempt to keep Valencia a hidden secret is in vain. That train has long left. l am, however going to give you at least 17 reasons not to visit Valencia because it would be a horrible idea in my humble opinion. If you choose to visit Valencia, you do it at your own risk, as l would have done my best to dissuade you!

17 reasons not to visit Valencia. Beach showing 2 dolphin figurines with sea in back.
Another cruel summer awaits us. Just another of the 17 reasons not to visit Valencia.

Summer being on its way, it’s more than likely that you are thinking of where to go for some sun and fun, especially in Spain. You can go to the cities that get all the mentions and love, after all, there is nothing wrong with going to places that you already know and love. We all do it.

17 reasons not to visit Valencia Spain: Plus 4 bonus reasons!

Spain is littered with wonderful beach destinations. Ibiza, Majorca, and Marbella are just a few places to consider. You don’t even have to speak a word of Spanish to boot. Doesn’t that sound just lovely? Still not convinced? Here are the reasons not to visit Valencia then, in no particular order.

1. Valencia is the ugly stepsister to Barcelona, Madrid, Seville, etc.

Yes, the city is ugly as sin and dull as dishwater. You don’t need to visit this “supposed” beauty. You will only be disappointed. Eyesores everywhere.

2. The locals in Valencia are pretty gnarly looking. 

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. Who let the dogs out? They are all toothless and a minimum age of 79 is the requirement for residency in Valencia. The rest are banished to the Campos :-).

3. There is absolutely nothing to see in Valencia.

The City of Arts and Sciences. Opera house and Hemispheric. Keep going, and you run into the largest aquarium in Europe and the Planetarium.

You might also like – La Lonja Silk Factory.

4. There is no Religion in Valencia. Heathens everywhere.

20 reasons not to visit valencia spain. Plaza Virgen and Valencia cathedral in background.
The Valencia Cathedral, home of the “Holy Grail“. Others may claim to have it, but the one here has the strongest case for the possession. There are roughly 15 churches in the city.

5. The beach is absolutely horrifying, a disgraceful mess.

How can anyone enjoy such a horrible place? Look how painfully unhappy she looks!
How cruel is the life that we have to endure such ugliness? Dios mio!

6. Architecture in Valencia is simply hideous.

No argument from me. Notice the decrepit buildings. Yucky! Move before they all come tumbling down on you. They are very old after all.

7. No major cultural events whatsoever happen in Valencia.

20 reasons not to visit Valencia Spain. Carnival in the streets with colorful outfits.
How did these people get here? Who authorized a carnival? Another crap day in Valencia, another celebration.

The yearly marathon, over 16,000 runners in 2021 as opposed to the usual 30,000 thanks to the pandemic.

8. The city of Valencia is absolutely stifling, with no green space!

Part of the 11km park that runs through the city of Valencia. Open-air gyms, bike paths, children’s playgrounds, and more. Meh!

Find awesome things to do in Valencia.

9. Nothing happens at night. Everyone is asleep by 10 pm.

Berklee College concert. Image source Valencia Turismo.

10. Valencia is not a hip city at all.

20 reasons not to visit Valencia Spain. Graffiti of dragon on the wall in old town
Some of the street graffiti in the city. Make sure not to take one of the free tours that show you even more wonderful art.
No imagination whatsoever, another of the 20 reasons not to visit valencia
No imagination whatsoever.

11. They have no idea how to enjoy life, a good reason not to visit Valencia.

Fallas ninot
One of the ninots for Fallas, a yearly celebration that has drawn as many as a million people to the city for the festivities.
The crowds await the loudest fireworks ever, just another day during Fallas.

12. The Valencia CF football team is the worst in Spain. Absolute rubbish!

The Valencia CF have won six La Liga titles, eight Copa del Rey titles, one Supercopa de España, and one Copa Eva Duarte. Underachievers!

13. There is no diversity in Valencia.

Seek, and ye shall find pretty much whatever you’re looking for.

gay pride parade in Valencia, reasons not to visit valencia spain.
Live and let live? What a concept!

Food in Valencia sucks!

Food is a  great part of travel and living in any place. There are plenty of reasons not to consider living or even visiting Valencia. Off the top of my head when it comes to food:

14. No original dishes come from Valencia – nothing at all to call their own!

Paella day in Valencia. You do know that paella was invented right here in Valencia, don’t you?

Horchata, another famous Valencian drink, is a nauseatingly sweet concoction made from tiger nuts (chufas). Source.

 15. It’s Jamon, all day, every day. No variety to speak of.

Shrimp with veggies on a white plate in oyster sauce. Reasons not to visit valencia
Food in Chinatown. Tasted as horrible as it looks.
Mexican food, and margaritas! Yeah!!!!
Cuban on the left, Argentinian on the right. So many choices, but pity they are not jamon.
reasons not to visit Valencia
Of course, sushi will forever be a good idea.

16. Wine and beer are too expensive!

2 women smiling at the camera, blond and brunette in a restaurant.
It is always wine o’clock in Valencia. A glass of wine price? anywhere from €2.50 to 3, and bottles from €12 to 15. Sometimes cheaper than water. Look at them cringing at the price of that bottle of wine!

17. No fresh fruit and vegetables anywhere and it’s so expensive!

There are about four of these within a block of me, but who needs to eat well? Fresh veggies and meat are for suckers. We want the preservatives!

Bonus reasons not to visit Valencia: Thank me later!

18. Don’t even get me started on the pricey hotels😲.

Oh yeah… compared to hotel prices in Barcelona and Madrid, Valencia is super expensive. No good selection of hotels at reasonable prices.

19. The people living in Valencia are miserable.

The food tastes like ropes. Trust me when l say he is crying on the inside. Those are the tears of a clown.
Could this lot be any more miserable? They’re about to start fighting and throwing cheap but delicious wine and beer at each other!
Hating life after a scrumptious meal and free shots! Dissuading potential ex-pats from joining the unhappiness and regret that awaits.

Our suffering is great and we hope that we can spare innocent people our horrible fates. We should have listened to the naysayers.

20. Valencia is dangerous! You can’t go out at night.

We live in fear behind closed doors, I’ll have you know. We fear the creatures that come out at night. The quality of life in Valencia is horrible l tell you. Sometimes when l walk home by myself past midnight, I am terrified that a neighbor might say hello, or the teenagers making out on the bench, oblivious to the world might actually come up for air to harass me.

My dog quivers under the cover and resists a w-a-l-k. Can’t even type it without perked-up ears :-). It’s dangerous out there!

I am also extremely scared when l see kids heading to the nightclub (would that be a day club?) talking just as loudly at 7 am in the dark as they would at noon while l am walking the dog :-).

Dog poop everywhere you look!

Okay, I’ll give you that one too for the most part. I used to see a lot more of it before the quarantine. Some friend who was staying in Madrid for a while told me that you’re not considered a local until you have stepped into it. Thanks, but no thanks. Really though, it’s no different than other cities in Europe. I wish l knew why.

What l have noticed is that more and more people are picking up post-lockdown. My theory is everyone is kind of scared of what diseases this might bring further down the line. I have seen neighbors who turned a blind eye now carrying bags with them and actually using them.

So, it’s getting better. Don’t let that stop you though. Hold it against us, and refuse to visit.

17 reasons not to visit Valencia: Wrap-up

My advice to you is to keep on visiting Barcelona, Madrid, and Seville. Do not, under any circumstance, consider a Valencia visit as you will surely be disappointed. In fact, we, and lots of others are staying here out of defiance as you can see. We curse the day we heard of Valencia as a great place to live.

20 reasons not to visit valencia spain. outdoor chinese restaurant with people sitted and a man in black tshirt to the side.
Meanwhile, our suffering continues, but we hide it well.
is Valencia worth visiting? 17 reasons not to visit.

Have you been to Valencia? What do you think of these 17 reasons not to visit Valencia? Do you agree with me that it is a place that must be avoided at all costs? Or are you one of the defiant ones?

If you liked this post, please share it for the benefit of others. They must be warned :-).

6 thoughts on “17 Reasons Not To Visit Valencia Spain.”

  1. Hi Kemkem, My wife and I will be retuning to Valencia in October for a quiet, less touristy month in the hellhole you call home. I’ve enjoyed reading your pieces and believe you capture the vibe as an expat better than anyone else I’ve read. This will be our third trip to Valencia in the last 5 years. Hope to see more blogs soon!

    • Hi Marco! My goodness, what a fantastic comment to wake up to!! You can’t imagine how good it feels, especially because l was feeling a bit dejected. Sometimes, you feel like you are just talking to yourself…haha… and no one is reading, so l appreciate the boost. I am glad you’re getting to love this hellhole! Valencia awaits your return :-). Please feel free to give me a shout when you’re here, perhaps we can meet you guys for a drink.

  2. Hi Kemkem,
    I will be visiting Valencia in November for the first time this November. I am looking forward to exploring the area…hopefully I can meetup with you as I explore the area.

    • Hi Anita, I hope you’re well. First off, I love your email address 😂. As of now, I’m pretty sure we’ll be here in November, so definitely let me know and we’ll meet up for coffee. Exciting times for you.

  3. Love the irony. I recently moved here from the U.S. after visiting last year. I’m now a resident, focused on hating every minute of it 🙂

    • Oh my God, Gary! I am so sorry. I was never notified of your comment. So sorry about that. I’m so glad that you’re hating life over here. It totally sucks does it not?… haha! Let me know if you’d like to tell your story tot he world on how cruel Valencia has been treating you! 🙂


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